Liberal Christianity – Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopediaPosted: July 5, 2011
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The faith that worships some of Christianity’s better ideas, but without getting so much into the whole figurehead thing or the “saved by the great blood-spurting wounds of Jesus” fetish promoted by your standard Mel Gibson torture epic. It is tolerant of everyone except for people it deems “intolerant,” and has a particular emphasis on the rejection of most (though not quite all) of those orthodox Christian ideas that seem a bit too far-fetched for all but the most religiously rabid. Its doctrines and precepts can be vague to the point of near non-existance (rather like their god), though LC’s aren’t particularly bothered by this, since they are comfortable enough not to need a black and white and well-defined dogmatic world view. LC’s are sometimes mocked by orthodox Christians because the latter get a raging hardon over the fanciful idea of divine justice, whereas Liberal Christians, recognizing the lack of divine justice here in the real world, seldom bother even to muster up a semi over the concept, especially since they are far too busy organizing the next Springtime Pet Service. Liberal Christianity sometimes uses The Bible, but also uses whatever other books they deem useful, including Aesop’s Fables and Dr. Seuss, in order to teach themselves to get along with others instead of getting all excited and perky over the possibility that their god is about to go smiting some group or another.
Liberal Christians, if they believe in a heaven, believe that at death everyone gets to go there. When liberal Christians get to heaven, they get very quiet while passing the rooms of conservative Christians, so as not to wreck the conservatives’ fantasy that they’re the only ones who got in, and the extra bonus fantasy that liberal Christians (and everyone else) are off writhing in the pain of hell’s eternal torture. By staying quiet the liberal Christians ensure the conservative Christians can keep their divine punishment hardons raging for all eternity.
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